I’m sorry guys, I know my life is no big fun filled ball of joy to read about. I will try to pour a little honey on it to sweeten it when I can.
As I sit here stuffing my face with Hershey kisses and mini Reese’s cups, I will tell you, I am a professional dieter. I have had a love hate relationship with food since I quit smoking years ago and I went from one hundred pounds to one fifty in about a year. It had been years since I had gained weight. Even through the birth of two children, I gained like fifteen pounds each time but lost it all before my six week checkup. After the first year, I gained about another ten pounds each year after, every year, till I reached two hundred and thirty pounds.
I looked in the mirror one day and just cried. I am the youngest of three girls in our family and was always the smallest. I stood looking in the mirror, now the largest sister of the three. I just could not believe I have gotten so big and I just could not seem to help myself. I have fibromyalgia which makes it really hard to exercise. Even walking very far is hard. My legs and back just kills me. The depression that comes with fibromyalgia, combined with depression from my weight, and then so many losses at once in my life, (Will explain later) I just ate, the more depressed I became. The more I ate the more I gained, which made me more depressed. I lost my job, another brownie point.
In six years I have lost seven people in my family, very near and dear to my heart. Three I sat with as they too their last breath. I lost my mother, My aunt , My nice, then my uncle, my cousin, my uncle and last but definitely not least, my dear sister that was like a second mom to me. Do you have any idea what that kind of loss does to your mind and your body. I thought I would lose my mind. My diet flew out the window again, after losing seventy pounds, I have now gained twenty back. I am ashamed of myself for being so weak, but I don’t drink or do drugs, so I eat.
To be exact, I am a sugar addict and a chocoholic. I need to find a CA meeting locally. Maybe I will form one. I’m sure I am not alone. When I went back to my doctor and said…”Help” he told me I am grieving, plain and simple. This is how I am dealing with the multiple losses I have dealt with, the best I can. When I am ready to begin again to work on me again, I already know what to do, just do it. So when I start over and am ready to fix me, he will be there. Nice to know someone will be. I miss my family so bad.
I write about love, loss, happiness, tragedy, things that happen, things that are real. I write fiction but I write to get the pain out of me.